Jagged Thorns and Pretty Petals
by StrawberrySunset
Summary: What happened to Dagger between the final battle between Kuja and Zidane's return. One of several chapters


-Jagged Thorns and Pretty Petals-  
  
I knew nothing I could say or do would change Zidane's mind. I was completely helpless in the matter. Do you know what that feels like? Watching someone you love walk out of your life, and not being able to do anything to stop them? Right now, I can't imagine a worse pain.  
  
"Promise me one thing. Please come back." I stared into his eyes for a few seconds and I could tell that he wanted to say something, but he just remained silent. I managed a weak smile and walked toward the airship.  
  
I ran to the deck and watched Zidane as we took off. I wanted to break down and cry right there. The look in Zidane's eyes told me he wasn't coming back. I nodded slightly, letting him know I forgave him and that I would be okay. I don't know how I had kept from crying this long, but I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I felt the hot, salty tears make a trail from my eyes and down my cheeks. I almost didn't notice when I felt someone's hand entwine with mine.  
  
"Vivi?" I managed to choke out.  
  
I looked down at Vivi's innocent, little face and he gave my hand a light squeeze, looking up at me sadly.  
  
"It'll be okay, Dagger. Zidane will be okay." Vivi looked up at me.  
  
I wanted to believe him. Oh, how I wanted to believe him. Deep inside of me, I knew Zidane wouldn't be coming back. What would he be coming back to? Me? Why would he want anything to do with me now?  
  
"C'mon. Let's go inside." Vivi held onto my hand and we walked inside.  
  
I guess everyone could tell that I was upset because no one said a single word to me, not even Eiko. I sat in the corner, feeling more lost and alone with each passing second. I knew that before long I'd be back in Alexandria, this time, for good. Uncle Cid dropped everyone off until only Vivi was left.  
  
"Vivi?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.  
  
"Yeah, Dagger?"  
  
"Um, would you like to come back to Alexandria with me?"  
  
"....."  
  
"Okay, I understand." I should've known that would be my answer.  
  
"I--I'm sorry..."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Vivi. You should go home. You've already been away for so long." I gave Vivi hug and kissed him on the cheek. I felt the airship come to a stop.  
  
"Guess I better go. Bye, Dagger." Vivi waved to me as he exited the airship.  
  
Now I'm all alone, and on my way back to Alexandria to become Queen. How can I go back to a life of confinement after, for the first and probably last time of my life, being so free? I can't even imagine how I can ever go back to Alexandria. I'm not the same naive, little girl that I once was. Zidane changed me, for the better. He showed me a world outside of the walls I had built around myself. But now, the walls would be rebuilding themselves around me, except this time, no one would be around to help me knock them down.  
  
"Garnet, we've arrived in Alexandria." I vaguely heard Uncle Cid call to me.  
  
I could hear the clanking of Steiner's armor as he ran to me. "Come, Princess. We are home."  
  
Home...Alexandria doesn't feel like home to me anymore. This isn't where I belong...not anymore.  
  
Alexandria was still mostly in shambles, but the townspeople were surprisingly cheerful. They had hope, something I was quickly losing. I glanced up to see the castle, or what was left of it. I had grown up here, but now...I feel so alien, so alone and unwanted. I wanted nothing more than lie in my bed and cry...a long, hard cry. But I knew that was impossible when I saw Beatrix.  
  
"Your Highness." Beatrix saluted. "I am pleased to see that you survived that terrible ordeal."  
  
"Thank you for your concern." I smiled politely at the older woman, but inside, my soul was crying tears of unforgettable sorrow.  
  
I gazed in silent despair at the castle. I knew that once I set foot within those walls, nothing would ever be the same again. I followed Beatrix and Steiner to the castle, keeping my eyes locked on the ground.  
  
Once inside, Beatrix spoke again. "Due to the recent complications, your induction ceremony has been postponed. Once the town is fully restored, it shall be held at once, Your Highness." "Very well. Thank you, Beatrix. Would you please take your leave of me? I wish to rest."  
  
"Yes, Your Highness." Beatrix saluted and left the room, Steiner following close behind.  
  
I walked through the dimlit halls of the castle, until I reached my destination. My bed chamber. To my surprise, it had been left untouched. The fire and destruction that had blazed through the rest of Alexandria was unknown here. I lightly ran my fingers over the silken material of my bed, gazing at the white walls that surrounded me. I couldn't hold back anymore. I heard a loud sob escape my lips. Soon, that turned into a continuous line of sobs, which was soon accompanied by the unstoppable flow of my tears. I laid on my bed, clutching onto the crimson sheets so hard my knuckles turned white. After what seemed like an eternity, I felt the blanket of sleep envelope me in its' arms.  
  
My eyes opened slowly, despite my prayers to return to the cooling peace of sleep.  
  
"Your Highness?"  
  
"...Zidane?"  
  
My eyes focused on the figure hovering above me. No, not Zidane...Beatrix.  
  
"Your Highness? Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes, Beatrix. I'm fine."  
  
"You have been asleep for quite some time." She stated.  
  
"I glanced out of the window. Night was rapidly approaching, dimming the light of the town and my soul.  
  
"I'm quite fine, Beatrix. I just needed some rest." I was quickly losing the small fraction of patience I had managed to maintain.  
  
"Alright..." Her voice had become soft. "Your Highness...things will be alright." She added softly before leaving me in my solitude yet again.  
  
'Things will be alright?' How could she dare to so much as think such a thing? Everything that has mattered in my life has been taken from me. My friends are gone, Mother is dead, and Zidane...  
  
I soon felt my body shake and another fit of sobs escape my lips. Tears were streaming down my face and falling into a puddle on the marble floor. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and hide for eternity.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
The rest of the week was fairly uneventful. Before I knew it, I was sitting in Mother's throne, glancing around at the smiling faces, ready to serve their new Queen. The more they smiled, the more I wanted to run.  
  
"And so, Garnet Til Alexandros, this shall forever be remembered as the day that you stepped down as a princess and rose up to lead your people as their Queen." Doctor Tot said, his face beaming with obvious pride.  
  
'I'd rather step down altogether.' I thought in my melancholy state.  
  
Beatrix and Steiner kept eyeing me suspiciously. I suppose the tears that ran down my cheeks gave cause to their suspicion. I managed a huge, fake smile and they turned their attention back to the festivities. I took this as my chance to finally escape.  
  
I went back to my bedchamber to change quickly and headed for the airship docks. I had no idea where I was going to go. I just knew that I couldn't stay here a moment longer.  
  
****  
  
I walked around the small village, taking in the beautiful scenery. No one was around and no sounds could be heard. I was glancing up at the canopy of treetops and didn't notice when I bumped into something.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" I asked the small, black mage as I helped him to his feet.  
  
"Yes, I'm okay." He brushed the dirt and dried leaves off of his clothes and looked up at me. "Hey, aren't you Mr. Vivi's friend?"  
  
"Yeah, I am. Is he here?"  
  
"Mm-hmm. His house is straight down there." He pointed to a path on the left of me.  
  
"Thanks." I began walking in the direction of Vivi's house, hoping he would be able to comfort me in at least the slightest way.  
  
I slowly walked down the wooden sidewalk, getting closer and closer to Vivi's home. I now stood outside of the small hut-like house and peered inside of the window. I saw Vivi in the kitchen, standing on a chair, stirring something on the stove. I opened the door and stuck my head inside.  
  
"Vivi?" I called out, the faux happiness in my voice grating on my concealed emotions and broken heart.  
  
"Dagger?" Vivi jumped off of the chair, walking into the living room.  
  
"Hi, Vivi." I greeted, smiling softly as I entered the small house.  
  
"How've you been?" He took my hand and led me to the couch.  
  
"I'm...doing okay." I lied through my teeth. I didn't want to ruin Vivi's good mood. There's no reason why I should make both of us miserable.  
  
"I was just fixing something to eat. Do you wanna stay for lunch?" Vivi stared at me with his innocent eyes."  
  
"Yeah, I'd love to. I'm starving."  
  
I followed Vivi into the kitchen and sat at the table while Vivi prepared a plate for me.  
  
****  
  
"Thank you, Vivi. That was delicious." I said as I wiped the corner of my mouth off with a napkin.  
  
"Thanks. My Grandpa used to make it all the time."  
  
I smiled at Vivi, but inside, I was screaming. I knew I couldn't hold up this facade much longer. How can I rule a Kingdom when I can't even take care of myself? Putting on a smile for my people is one thing, but I knew I couldn't lie to my friends.  
  
"Dagger? You okay?" Vivi asked, looking at me with a puzzled look on his face.  
  
I don't know how it happened, but I felt something break inside of me and I couldn't hold back anymore. I fell to the floor and felt my release in the form of the hot, salty tears forming a trail down my face. It barely registered in my mind when Vivi stood beside my crumpled form and wrapped his tiny arms around my neck.  
  
"It'll be okay, Dagger. I know you miss him...but it'll be okay. You're strong. I know you'll be okay."  
  
I sniffled and lifted my head to meet his face. I smiled weakly, and hugged him back. I didn't really believe that everything would be okay, but Vivi's words were a great comfort to me nonetheless.  
  
"Thanks, Vivi." I sniffled again, and stood, brushing off my clothes.  
  
I glanced outside of the window. It was night already. I needed to get back to Alexandria.  
  
"Vivi? I better head back. And, um, I don't know when I'll be okay to come visit you again. Maybe once Alexandria gets settled..." I trailed off, not having the strength to finish the sentence.  
  
Vivi just nodded and kneeled down to hug him again and give him a kiss on the cheek. I murmured another 'thanks' and made the short journey back to the airship and the longer journey back to Alexandria.  
  
****  
  
I stealthily moved about the dark corridors of the castle until I reached my bedchamber. I quietly stepped inside, closed the door behind me and heaved a sigh of relief.  
  
"Hello, Your Majesty." Beatrix's voice rang through the room and my soul, making my heart sink.  
  
"Beatrix. What are you doing here?" I asked, trying desperately to mask the nervousness in my voice.  
  
"Well, Your Majesty, when the queen goes missing and no one knows of her whereabouts, it tends to warrant some suspicion." Her stare was hard and cold. I wanted nothing more than to disappear forever.  
  
Yes, I know just running off like I did wasn't the best, most well-thought out plan. I couldn't stand to be here a moment longer. I didn't ask to be queen. I'm not even royalty, for heaven's sakes! Nonetheless, I do have a responsibility to my people. I have to watch over and care for them. But who will be here to care for me?  
  
"...You cannot just run off like that, Your Majesty. Please, try to understand your obligations here."  
  
I know I have obligations; obligations that cost the price of my freedom. As selfish as it may seem, I don't want any of it. I want nothing more than to be traveling the world again with my friends and have Zidane be there to comfort me. No matter how terrible things seemed, and believe me, sometimes they were utterly horrible, Zidane always knew what to do to assuage me.  
  
"Yes, Beatrix. I understand." My voice was void of any form of emotion.  
  
Seemingly satisfied, Beatrix saluted and left me to my peace.  
  
I walked in a dream-like state to the window and looked out to the darkened heavens. The stars no longer seemed to shine and the once velvet blue sky now looked faded.  
  
"Zidane..."  
  
I closed my eyes and willed him to appear next to me. But no, that will never happen. Behind my closed eyes is the only place he will ever come to me again. I sighed and turned to go back inside and fall into the limitless void of sleep. I pulled the covers over my head and the blanket of sleep soon comforted me.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The forest surrounded me and the lush scents of the trees and soil engulfed me.  
  
"Dagger."  
  
I...it couldn't be.  
  
"Zidane?"  
  
There he stood, plain as day, a few feet away from me. I tried to run to him. but the more I ran, the farther away he seemed to be. I reached out to him, but he only stared.  
  
"Zidane..."  
  
He continued to stare at me, his eyes full of the compassion and hope I remembered him to have. I stopped running and only stared back. Suddenly, his face twisted into that of one in pain and he began to fade away.  
  
"Zidane! Please! Please, don't leave me!" But I was too late. He was already gone.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I sat straight up in my bed, panting heavily. It was...it was a dream? I fell back onto the bed, knowing full well that I wouldn't be getting any more sleep tonight.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The next few months passed by with excruciating slowness. Beatrix and Steiner had guards posted outside of my bedchamber doors and after my last escape attempt, outside below my window as well. It has been nearly two months since I've been outside of Alexandrian walls. Eventually, I just stopped fighting. I had nothing left to fight for. The one person who truly cared about is gone. I'll probably never see my friends again as long as I live. The only thing that I will do is sit here on this throne, smile and be a symbol of power. I have nothing left worth fighting for...  
  
Just as I felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes, a loud knock came to the door.  
  
"Mikoto?!" I jumped from my throne, standing face to face to the young girl from Bran Bal.  
  
"Hello, Dagger. I mean, Queen Garnet." She said, bowing to me  
  
"Wh--What are you doing here?" I was utterly confused. I had no idea why she would be visiting me and why now.  
  
"I...There's no easy way to say this--" I cut her off  
  
"What is it?" I prepared myself for a huge speech from her about how they found Zidane dead.  
  
"It's Vivi. He's...he's dying."  
  
That was all I needed to hear.  
  
********  
  
I hurriedly made my way through the Black Mage Village, seemingly taking an eternity before I reached Vivi's small house. There were a small group of mages grouped together outside of Vivi's house, none of them without the look of undying sadness masked on their faces. I knew that look well.  
  
I rushed past them into Vivi's house and almost fell to the ground at what I saw. There he was, lying helplessly on his couch, his face no longer jet black, but grey. I walked slowly and carefully towards him, not trusting my legs to give out on me if I dared go any faster.  
  
"Vivi?" I managed to choke out.  
  
He managed to turn his head towards the direction of my voice. He reached his tiny hand out to me and I held it in mine.  
  
".I'm.glad you came." His voice sounded so small and weak, it made me want to cry.  
  
"I wanted to- -to give you this." He erupted into a violent fit of coughs and then reached under the table and pulled out a small, silver box.  
  
I looked at the box with mild interest. What could he possibly have to give me?  
  
"Zidane wanted to give you this, but."  
  
He trailed off, not wanting to open any still-healing wounds. He handed the box to me and I opened it slowly and cautiously, not knowing what to expect. The tiny box opened to reveal a garnet shaped like that of a flame with a tiny sapphire set in the center.  
  
"I broke my promise to Zidane.I told him I'd make sure nothing happened to you 'til he got back." Vivi's already tiny voice started to fade away.  
  
Oh, God, no.please no. But my prayers were not granted. His eyes, still staring at me, slipped closed and his hand went limp in mine. I leaned down and kissed his cheek softly.  
  
"Goodbye, Vivi."  
  
I looked up to see the other mages huddled into the small room, all of their large eyes fixated on me. One mage carrying a staff walked over to me.  
  
"You can use white magic, can't you?"  
  
".Yes." For some reason, I didn't want to answer.  
  
"Focus your magic with us."  
  
I closed my eyes and focused all of my energy on my magic. An orb of white light encompassed me and moved over to Vivi's lifeless body. The black mage's had an orb of black light, which joined with mine, lifting Vivi's body in the air. The orb began to spin, faster and faster, until shafts of blue light emitted from the joined orbs. When the light disappeared, Vivi was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there were ten miniature versions of Vivi staring up at us.  
  
"It worked!" One mage cried out happily.  
  
I couldn't believe it. It was like they were Vivi's children.  
  
"We should name them. Vivi would like that," Another mage suggested. "You were Vivi's friend. You should be the first to name one. It only seems right." The mage said to me.  
  
I liked down at the minature versions of Vivi. There was one, helping his 'brother' to his feet after he had fallen.  
  
"I think we should name that one," I pointed to the small mage, "Zidane."  
  
The other mages seemed satisfied with my decision. I decided it was probably best if I leave. The mages probably had something planned for the 'children' and quite frankly, I didn't want to be there another minute. Everything happened so quickly. In just a few minutes time, I lost one of my dearest friends. It was all to unbelievable. But is it real, isn't it, Dagger? No matter how hard I pray, no matter how much I wish, this is reality. Still, how I wish I could change it.  
  
Suddenly remembered the necklace Vivi had given me before he... Ahem. Why would Zidane get me something like this? When did he get it? And why did he give it to Vivi? Then, I remembered a conversation I had with Zidane in Dali, back when we first met.  
  
--------  
  
"You know, Dagger, you're nothing at all how I expected a princess to be."  
  
"Hmm? How so?"  
  
"Well, and don't take this wrong way, but I kinda expected you to be this arrogant, little, spoiled brat. But you're not like that at all. You're kinda like...a flame. Yeah, a flame in water."  
  
I was truly confused by his last statement. "'A...flame in water?'"  
  
"Yeah! You have this soul of fire, at least from what I've seen. You're persistent, strong-willed, and you never seem to give up hope. But, at the same time, it's like you're drowning. If you're not careful, somebody's gonna put that fire out."  
  
--------  
  
Tears welled to my eyes at the memory. Zidane was right. Someone did extinguish that flame...and it was me.  
  
I shakily climbed aboard the airship and prepared to take off. I knew I couldn't go back to the castle, not yet anyway. Deep inside, I knew where I had to go, but it was the last place I ever wanted to be.  
  
********  
  
The Lifa Tree loomed over me, reminding me of the constant shadow hovering over my soul. It no longer had Mist seeping from every inch of it. It actually looked quite beautiful now and would be rather serene to me if it didn't cause my soul to scream and cry from heartache.  
  
"Kuja...you--you bastard. You took him from me!!!" I fell to the ground, pounding my fists as hard as I could on the ground. My body wracked with sobs and tears flowed like a powerful river from my eyes.  
  
"Zidane...Why? Why...and to help Kuja, of all people...?"  
  
I lied on the ground, the dirt and dust sticking to my wet face, but I didn't care. I don't care. Nothing matters anymore. What's the point of caring? Caring only sets you up for the inevitable heartache. One minute, you have everything you have ever desired. Then the next, it's torn from you, every last bit of it.  
  
Why am I even here? Am I being punished? Is that why everything I've ever cared about is being taken from me? Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that wasn't how it was at all. But I wouldn't let myself believe that.  
  
"Zidane.I.I can't live without you." My voice sounded so strange, so lost, so barren.  
  
I felt my feet carrying my lifeless body to the edge of the tree and I didn't dare stop them. I looked down at the great precipice and smiled despite myself. If I just take two more steps, it would all be over. I wouldn't feel this soul wrenching pain anymore. Zidane.we'll be together again. I moved closer to the edge, closed my eyes and dived into my peaceful abiss.  
  
"Dagger!" It was Eiko, I realized. Oh, well. It doesn't matter now.  
  
A few minutes had gone by and I hadn't felt myself hit the bottom. I slowly opened my eyes and came to see that I was moving back up the surface. Then it hit me. Eiko, she must've cast Float on me. I reached the entrance to the Lifa tree and lay facing away from Eiko, not daring to open my eyes.  
  
"Dagger, are you crazy?!" I heard the small girl cry.  
  
No, Eiko, are you crazy? Do you realize what you've done? No, I guess you don't. You don't know what it's like to feel like you've been ripped in half and all you want is to be whole again. Don't you see? That's all I was trying to do. That's all.  
  
Why can't anyone understand what I'm going through? Can't they see I have nothing left. I have no reason to go on. Zidane was right. My flame is long- gone. All I see anymore is water, completely surrounded. But they won't let me drown. Why won't let they just let me go?  
  
"C'mon. You're goin' with me." Eiko stated and cast another Float spell on me and led me to Madain Sari.  
  
********  
  
Eiko had placed me in her bed to rest and had her moogle friends tend to me. I knew she would want to have a huge conversation with me, but would I say to her? What could I possibly say to her to make her understand? But that's just it. I can't make her understand. No one can understand.  
  
I heard the door creak open and Eiko popped her head in the doorway. I turned away from her, refusing to let her see the tears that threatened to spill down my face. I closed my eyes and prayed for my death. It's funny, I never imagined I would want to die, for any reason. But now.I suddenly realize why and sympathize with those that do.  
  
"Dagger.?" Eiko called out cautiously in the dim-lit room. I didn't dare answer her. She came closer to me, sitting beside me on the bed. "Dagger.why?"  
  
She deserved an answer, that much I knew. But nothing came to mind nothing that she would believe or accept anyway. Yes, Eiko. I want to die because I can't live alone, without Zidane. 


End file.
